Writing On The Bathroom Walls!


"If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives." -- Armand's Pizza.
Washington, D.C.

"God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?" --The Irish Times. Washington, D.C.

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity." -- The Bayou, Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

Here i am broken hearted, 
paid a penny and only farted, 
Here I am young and artful, 
got in free and did a cartfull !!!

Beauty is only a light switch away. 
(Perkins Library. Duke University. Durham, North Carolina.) 

I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards. 
(Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts.)

There once was a woman from Nizes, 
with tits of two different sizes. 
One was so small it was nothing at all...
and the other was so big it won prizes!

Eagles may soar, but Weasels don't get sucked into jet engines!!!

"The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open. 
Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. 
Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

One day I shall burst my buds of calm and blossom into hysteria.

Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?

Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?

Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?" 
Rest stop off Route 81. West Virginia.

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. 
Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill. Chapel Hill, North Carolina. 

To do is to be. -Descartes 
To be is to do. -Voltaire 
Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra *
Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats. Scottsdale, Arizona.

Under a sign that said 
"Employees Must Wash Hands," 
someone scribbled: 
I waited and waited, but I finally washed them myself. 

On the inside of a toilet door: 
Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.

At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry. 
* Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona. 

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. 
* Written in the dust on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, Arizona. 

Make love, not war.- Hell, do both, get married! 
* Women's restroom, The Filling Station. Bozeman, Montana.

Here I sit, I'm at a loss
trying to shit out taco sauce. 
When it comes, I hope and pray, 
I don't blow my ass away. 

Fart loud if you love Jesus! 

God is dead. -Nietzsche 
Nietzsche is dead. -God 
* The Tombs Restaurant. Washington, D.C. 

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. 

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: 
If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. 
* Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort. Dallas, Texas.

Happiness is Coming.

Nuke Gay Whales for Jesus

Illiterate? Call This Number for Help...

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress! 
* Men's restroom, House of Representatives. Washington, D.C.

I sit here and contemplate 
Should I shit or masturbate

.

"I feel so strongly about toilet graffiti, I signed a partition."

"I FUCKED YOUR MOTHER!" 
to which someone else wrote:
"GO HOME DAD YOU'RE DRUNK!"

Express Lane: Five beers or less 
* Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's. Pheonix, AZ.

(written high upon the wall above a urinal) 
Don't look up here, the joke's in your hand.

We aim to please! You aim too! Please!

Please do not throw cigarette butts in our urinal. 
We don't piss in your ashtrays!

You're too good for him. 
* Sign over mirror in Women's restroom, * Ed Debevic's. Beverly Hills, CA.

No wonder you always go home alone. 
* Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, * Ed Debevic's. Beverly Hills, CA."

AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathroom faucet on and off with your toes.

"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats."

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? 
Humpme Dumpme.

What is the definition of "making love"? 
Something a woman does while a guy is having sex.

The only difference between pink and purple is the tightness of your grip.

If the dove is the bird of peace, then bird of true love must be the swallow.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else. 

The Fifth Comandment should be "Thou shall not admit adultry"

Any asshole can piss on the floor. Be a hero and shit on the ceiling! 

Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!

"Laugh and the world laughs with you," 
"Snore and you sleep alone."


If you sprinkle 
When you tinkle 
Please be neat 
And wipe the seat.
**From a ladies room somewhere in Pennsylvania...... 

"Richard Nixon should pull out before it's too late, just like his father should've."
**Humanities Hall, second floor, men's room, U.C. Irvine, early to middle 1970's.

Here I sit In Noxious Vapor 
Someone has used all the paper
I'm late for class I cannot linger 
Look out ass Here comes my finger.
**Ballantine Hall, IU-Bloomington

"Don't look now but you've got your best friend by the neck"
**In front of urinal at Baked in Telluride 

" If black is beuatiful, I just shit a masterpiece"

Why can't we just all get a bong...
**From the restroom of Maggie Mae's, 6th St., Austin TX.

Nixon did for America what pantyhose did for finger fucking....

Eat shit! 
1.9 trillion flies (estimated population of flies) can't be ALL wrong.


This toilettpaper is like Clint Eastwood, 
though and hard, and takes no shit.

"My mother made me a whore"
and someone had added:
"If I give her the yarn, will she make me one too?"

Graffiti next to the toilet paper: 
"UT degree - please take one"
**Location: University of Austin, Texas.

Life's like a pubic hair on toilet bowl - you soon get pissed off

If mens brains were as big as their balls 
there would be a lot less writing on toilet walls.

Remember - more than three shakes is a wank

No matter how much you shake your peg 
The last drop always runs down your leg

"Don't throw cigarette butts in the urinal, as it makes them soggy and hard to light."

Marx didn't know that Bismarck would invent unemployment insurance. -Dwinelle Hall, U.C. Berkeley

When I die I want to go peacefully, in my sleep, like grandfather. 
Not screaming, like the passengers in his car. 

ANAL INTERCOURSE IS FOR ASSHOLES

"Jesus saves souls, and turns them in for fabulous cash prizes!"
**Crown & Anchor, Austin, Tx.

"Kirk Out" 
**Written above a urinal, Gingerman, Austin, Tx.

Here I sit 
Broken hearted 
Tried to shit 
But only farted
(followed by)
You're lucky 
You had your chance 
I tried to fart, 
And shit my pants!

"668, the neighbor of the beast"
**Crown & Anchor, Austin, Tx.

"Save the whales - collect the whole set" 
**Crown & Anchor, Austin, Tx.

People who write on bathroom walls 
Roll their shit into little balls.
Those who read their words of wit, 
eat those little balls of shit.

"JESUS SAVES " 
and underneath someone wrote in pencil
"Gretsky rebounds...wrap-around..He shoots, he scores." 

urine the bathroom. 
urine trouble. 
Look what a mess urine.

"For a good time, call ###-#### and ask for Mary. 
For a BAD time, tell Mary where you got this number."

As you sit to take a shit 
Rest a while and think a bit, 
The last time that I beat my meat, 
Was on this very toilet seat.

"Stand close. It's shorter than you think."

some very small writing on the bottom of the door
" If you can read this, 
you're shitting at a 45 degree angle!!


Here I lie in stinky vapor, 
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper, 
Shall I lie, or shall I linger, 
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

(written high upon the wall) 
If you can piss above this line, 
the Hillsboro Fire Department want's you.

Scratched into the paint of the condom-dispensing machine were these words: 
"Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber."

In the men's room at a Burger King restaurant: 
It takes the human body about 24 hours to turn good food into shit. 
It only takes Burger King 10 minutes.

Sign seen at a restaurant: 
The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...please aim properly.

Everybody pisses on the floor. 
Be a hero and shit on the ceiling.

(written above a urinal) 
Why are you looking up here? Are you ashamed of it?

Some people come here to take a shit, 
I come here to leave one.

Don't look now! you're pissing on your neighbors foot

Here I sit 
What a caper 
I have to shit 
But I'm out of paper

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either. 

24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?


Some come here to sit and think, 
Some come here to shit and stink, 
But I come here to scratch my balls, 
And read the bullshit on the walls...

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981

(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

These two have been through a lot of shit together. 
My two ass cheeks.

Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway. 

No Matter Where You Go, There You Are.

Vote Republican - You Ass Holes Deserve It

Will Work for Sex

"$1.49 - All You Can Eat" 
(with an arrow pointing down into the toilet) 

While your sitting on the toilet you see written on the stall door: 
Congratulations! You've one free game of Toilet Tennis! Look Left. 
(You look left and it reads:)
Look Right. 
(You look right and it reads:)
Look Left...